I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
