i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
