I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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