Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
