I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
