as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
