I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize