I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need a beard to bite.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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