i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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