how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
