brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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