I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize