Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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