recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
