Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
