She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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