He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
