Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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