There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
