You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
