is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
how can u be prego again
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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