I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
