she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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