Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
