my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
