Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
