So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
