We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
