Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
