I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
