he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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