i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
