Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
