there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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