he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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