if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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