i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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