I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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