I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
