I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is the high leading the old right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
