I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
