dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
