at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
