Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
