i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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