I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
