I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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