sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
