I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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