TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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