Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
