i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
