You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
