no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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