dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
