WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
