Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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