She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
