when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
