Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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