I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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