Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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