I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize