We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
