; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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