she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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