and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
