He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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