Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
