I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
