Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
