I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
