if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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