I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need to calm my uterus...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
