Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
