Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
