I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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