before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's official drugs can't kill me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
