Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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