if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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